SEX, BOMBS & BURGERS

I'm as sad as the next person to see that summer is almost over, but to be honest, this past summer has got to be one of the worst we've had here in Toronto. Tornados, bug infestations and of course, the garbage strike that refused to end.

Still, if the Torontonians out there reading this think our streets looked bad, it's too bad we can't easily take a look upward - into space. You want to talk about garbage, let's talk about all the crap we've been shooting up into the heavens for the past 50 years. And for the most part, we've been leaving it there.

The photo at right (click to enlarge) shows the Earth surrounded by all the satellites and debris we've left up in space since the fifties. Pretty impressive, huh? According to the U.S. government, there are more than 20,000 objects up in orbit today, 94% of which aren't functioning.

The folks at DARPA, the U.S. military's advanced tech lab, have realized this is a problem, according to Wired's Danger Room. The smallest piece of debris - even a paint chip - could prove to be catastrophic if it hits a functional satellite, the space shuttle or the International Space Station. The agency has therefore opened the floor to suggestions on how to clean up this mess. As Wired puts it, there is likely to be "a good mix of creative, unusual and bizarre suggestions."

With that in mind, let me be the first to suggest it: a giant vacuum cleaner based on the moon!